Respond with kindness, no matter what. Help your kids understand that they shouldn’t take hurting classmates’ mean words or actions too personally. Explain that people who are unhappy themselves often lash out at others. Remind your kids that Jesus calls them to love their enemies and bless those who curse them. Recognize that this will be a challenge for your kids, but pray for them to be able to see their hurting classmates as God sees them – people made in His image and in need of love. Encourage your kids to be peacemakers who soothe their classmates’ hurts with kindness.  

Listen well. Urge your kids to listen carefully to the thoughts and feelings their hurting classmates express. Have them practice their listening skills with you, so they’ll know how to give their classmates their full attention without getting distracted. Encourage your kids to ask questions to clarify information or gently lead their hurting classmates to open up more. Explain the importance of respecting their classmates’ dignity by not laughing at them or gossiping about their troubles. Tell your kids that their hurting classmates need relationships with other kids whom they know they can trust.

Seek help from a teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult. Let your kids know that they should feel free to openly discuss the situation with one of their teachers, a school counselor, or another adult whom they trust (such as their pastor or youth leader). Tell your kids that they should always report alarming information – such as alleged abuse or suicide threats – and take it seriously. After Honor and Meghann went to a school counselor with some concerns, Jocelyn revealed her brother’s abuse to the counselor and got the help she needed to end the abuse.

Be patient. Help your kids realize that it’s unrealistic to expect a quick fix or simple solution to the situation, since most serious problems take significant time to work through and require lots of thought to resolve the complexities that brought them about in the first place. But, as your kids go through the process of helping their hurting classmates, discuss the progress they see and point out how God is answering prayers to help both them and their classmates grow.