Adolescence. The word alone sends chills up the backs of many parents. It may seem like just yesterday that you and your teenager had a great relationship, one that didn't seem so confusing or frustrating. We're not suggesting that everything will become terrible as your son or daughter moves into adolescence. Every child is unique and will respond to the teenage years differently. What we can guarantee, however, is that things will change.

One reason adolescence can be so difficult for parents is that for the past 12 years you have been accustomed to a certain type of relationship with your son or daughter. Then, sometimes even overnight, so many things can change. Unfortunately, we often resist change by either ignoring what's taking place or trying to continue using the same old habits. But failure to adapt to change usually leads to disaster, as the following story illustrates.

For many years, up into the late 1960s, Switzerland dominated the world of watch making. Most people who wanted a high-quality watch bought a Swiss watch. Over the next decade, however, the Swiss dominance eroded steadily. By the early 1980s, Switzerland's market share had collapsed to less than 10 percent. In an instant (historically speaking), it was no longer the market leader.

What caused this huge turnaround? The Swiss ran into a change in the way watches were made. In the past, all watches had used mechanical components like gears, bearings, and mainsprings. But then the industry turned to electronics. Suddenly, high-quality, dependable, and less-expensive watches could be bought from the Japanese and others. In less than 10 years, the "secure" Swiss watch making future was greatly diminished.

Both our experience and our research indicate that increasing honor and decreasing anger in the home are the two main principles in raising healthy teenagers.

The irony was that the situation could have been avoided if only the Swiss had realized the kind of change they were facing. The Swiss themselves had invented the electronic quartz movement. Yet when their researchers presented this revolutionary technology to the Swiss manufacturers, it was rejected. In no way could this battery-powered, electronic device be the watch of the future, the watchmakers concluded. So they allowed their researchers to showcase this "inferior" invention at the World Watch Congress without a patent. A Japanese company took one look, and the rest, as they say, is history.2

For the past 12 years, you have become a "market leader" in the field of parenting. We hope you've become an expert at understanding the needs and desires of your child. But the times are changing as your child enters adolescence! Your teenager will face much transition, which we'll discuss throughout the book. As a parent, you need to keep from making the same mistake the Swiss made when faced with major changes. Instead of rejecting this new phase and trying to parent in the same manner you always have, you'll want to learn new ways to relate to your teen.